There is nothing that irks me quite like falling into a debate with a skeptic and having to defend my corner when it comes to what I believe in the face of ‘popular’ belief. I find it tiresome and frankly a waste of my valuable time. Perhaps because I have had to fight my corner throughout my whole life for what ever reason more often than I find tolerable, whether due to my gender, age, level of intelligence, right to self-respect, beliefs, whatever – I’m harking back to the post that I launched this blog with ‘Too much ism in my schism’. I admit it’s a deeply ingrained knee-jerk reaction that escapes my usual well-considered and intuitive reasoning. It makes me feel incredibly defensive. However, I think because of this it warrants an airing right here on this blog, if only to try to get to the bottom of it. After all this is meant to be me not hiding anymore right? I said that in my ‘About’ page, even though I know that I’m finding that to be quite a challenge (she says humorously and rather nervously).

Yes I’m a highly attuned empath, medium, psychic, intuitive, healer, Shaman, clairaudient, clairvoyant, and all the other ‘ants’, ‘ents’, and ‘ans’ in the termite mound. I implore anyone who reads this not to take any of this personally, I am having a rant because I need to write it out of my system. So what’s got me all in a lather?

Well, since yesterday afternoon thereabouts, I have had a very strong feeling in the pit of my stomach of unease in reaction to some of the things I’ve been reading, and people who I have been interacting with. I simply have not been able to shake it. It’s got me riled when I have no reason to be so. My intuition tells me that it isn’t coming from me, that I am tuning into some-one else, or several people possibly and their own internal and external debates with the world. However, my brain is telling me that I am being challenged and thus I am reacting to it. As I have said in a previous post that I am constantly ‘wired’, always intuitively tuned-in to everything and everyone in my field of perception. So at times there’s a really fine line between what is me and what is not. Of course in the grand scheme of things it’s all the same. But at this level of physical human consciousness the concepts of time and distance do indeed divide perception and experience.

I have difficulty then not reacting to empathic signals I am receiving from others and taking them personally. For want of a better description, it’s like I step into other people’s shoes and walk in them for a while when this happens. Then as if by magic the feeling/s will pass as soon as they arrived and I’m often left wondering ‘what was that all about?’. It’s like an inbuilt BS detector, I can see people’s lips moving and I can hear what they are saying, but I am listening to what they are feeling. Quite often the two will contradict. Nor do people have to be physically present before me for me to be able to read what they are really telling me. I have a ‘wireless’ connection you might say working very well over distance! 🙂

I simply cannot subscribe to the commonly held existentialist viewpoint adopted by scientific or ‘popular’ belief, where people are born a blank canvas so to speak that then become imprinted with experience as they stumble through their accidental and improbable lives, and thus grow and better themselves. Although I agree with this rather stilted Foucauldian view to an extent, in that people are essentially self-governing, thus responsible for their experience due to the way they react to outer stimuli, I am apt to err on the side of the radical fundamentalist and take it as a personal insult that anyone should think of my life or their lives for that matter in such a transparent and disposable way.  The existentialist viewpoint is a bit of a cop-out as far as I’m concerned, and only serves to reinforce the acceptance and the proliferation of doubt that currently exists in the world.

I have such a conviction in my beliefs because it became an irritation to doubt myself so much in line with ‘popular’ belief, just because I wanted to feel like I fitted in. That level of self-doubt in face of what you feel you know is exhausting and, as I said, a total waste of my time. Nothing is gained by going against the flow of your own growth, or the growth of another for that matter. I now accept that I am a social pariah in many respects, and that’s fine by me if it means I can breathe out and relax.

Perhaps then I have come to the crux of all of this: doubt. What I, and possibly others around me are reacting to is a strong sense of doubt. Doubt is threatening, it incites argument, wars, and is the cause of many if not all of our interracial, inter-societal, and interpersonal issues. If you doubt you cannot be in a position to take full responsibility for your circumstances, and thus of your life. If you doubt, it is difficult to love yourself and in turn love others to your fullest capabilities. If you doubt, then you are not in charge.

However, doubt is the instigator of change when recognised for what it is. Despite the unrest and damage it can cause, whether self-created or not. It drives discussion, innovation, social change, and in that regard it is a very valuable human tool in the quest for personal empowerment. So what have I learned from this experience?

Well, as is my wont, I have taken this strong feeling of doubt that I’m sensing and run with. Letting it run its natural course and seeing what good comes out of it, allowing it to transform itself by giving it air-time. And I think I’ve just hit the nail on the head with that. Being able to address doubt and debate it is of vital importance to personal and social growth. And there’s nothing like a good debate. So riz-au-lait and blessings to you all if you have got this far with this post ;)!

2 thoughts on “My Sunday Morning Rant

    1. 🙂 Thank you, your support is much appreciated. Thankfully the feeling is now passing, though not yet totally gone. I’m working with it to see what I come up with.

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