I realise it might be time to stop mucking about and put my money where my mouth is. I’ve become relatively comfortable sitting on the impartial fence watching and participating in the odd debate, that if I’m honest has very little bearing if any on my beliefs. As a reflection of who I am as a human being such debates are interesting in terms of reflecting on my own apparent limitations. I know that my beliefs differ from that of most, not all, for there are those bloggers out there who understand me with utter clarity as I them.
My apprehension about putting my head on the block is a knee-jerk reaction that is merely an already life-long ingrained habit, but it does not in any way betray doubt on my part when it comes to what I believe, this I have come to realise through my experiences with WP since I began actively participating back in February this year.
I don’t fear being told that I am wrong, oddly my fear is in not being able to respond intelligently and truthfully in keeping with my beliefs. I fear betraying myself in order to maintain the status quo and not lose face. But to that, really it’s a case of so what? I really have nothing to lose in all reality, nothing I do not choose to be without.
For the record, I believe that we all create our own realities, and I mean literally. It’s not some fanciful notion that I’ve dreamt up in my tiny little esoteric head. I talk to and draw dead people, I have premonitions, I read people’s emotions and intents, all things that are indeed very real to me and verifiable enough for the scientists among you to begin scratching your heads.
I am not an atheist, neither am I a theist. In fact I’m not anything that you can label. I rely on and trust what I perceive with every fibre of my being, and perhaps that’s what makes me unusual. I get that my confidence may come across as arrogance, but again, so what? If it bothers you, then you have something to address in the way that you respond to others right? Also I don’t take myself too seriously, humour is an amazing release when you’re as uptight as I am at times.
I am the first to examine my limitations when they arise. I learned long ago that allowing your limitations to define you for any length of time only serves to stunt growth, and cause unhappiness. It’s not good for your health, and thus the health of the reality you create. So I spend much of my time focussing on the areas of my life that need the most growth and I am pushing my beliefs constantly in order to find a more beneficial angle, and a better state of wellbeing, inwardly and outwardly. In short I use my own misgivings to my advantage until they no longer cause me headache. I see it as a highly creative process that does not come with an instruction manual, but is a subtle give and take from moment to moment based on the energies and the emotions that colour my view of life.
I don’t try to restore balance, as I believe that everything is already balanced, beautifully synchronised and exactly as it should be. To go against that would be to contradict my belief that I create my own reality, and everyone and everything in it. But my view of ‘I’ is a lot more all-encompassing than just this current physical manifestation of me, that none of you can actually see anyway. If anything, through the medium of virtual media you have access to a more pervasive me because you are not hampered by the usual limiting perceptions that would be apparent were we face to face.
Actually trying to intellectualise any of this is like wrestling with a ball of yarn, suffice to say that limitations will always exist in one form or another, but as a good friend frequently reminds me making way for better conversation is a good thing. I agree. There is always a different point of view that might yield more beneficial results than that of tried and tested already limiting populist belief.
I’ve learned that discomfort is a sign of learning and of progress. Short sharp bursts of it is good for you, and worth seeing through in order to gain fresh perspective. Just like training a muscle to be stronger, first it has to be torn into shape, which causes discomfort, sometimes pain, but the result is a stronger muscle that even when not in use will retain the memory of the new function. So our minds are like that, they need to be stretched to the point of discomfort in order for new ideas to take shape, and for fresher more engaging and creative perspectives to be manifest in our sphere of experience.
As you all are a reflection and a manifestation, a version of me if you like from my perspective, then so I am of you. It’s a humbling perspective to have, it really makes you look at who you are. Also the result is that I find it difficult not to be accepting of others.
I’m looking forward to engaging in a conversation that really stretches my current boundaries and presents me with something new, I have come close, but so few have challenged me in this way. Am I really that different to you?
This post is published in conjunction with my post on my other blog: