I like this shot. I shall look back at this at a future date and realise how much I miss my children. The banner is a remnant of Grace’s recent 11th birthday celebration. I think the film and lens combination sets the tone, reminding me that it is soon to be a bygone era. A part of my life that I will have deeply mixed feelings about. The photography itself being the bridge between the old and the new.
I awoke from a dream this morning where I was out in the street near some houses, picking up sections of Raef’s wooden track that a couple of kids kept throwing over the diamond cage fence separating the houses from the main street. In irritation I began throwing them back, with my final attempt clocking one of the kids straight on the head and knocking him to the ground. I rushed over realising what had happened, only to see that it was Grace, not an errant boy. She was laying on the grass with a big cut on her head and complaining of her back hurting, saying she couldn’t move. I was frozen, but oddly not overly worried. I contemplated calling for an ambulance realising that she was probably suffering with a concussion. She wasn’t being very coherent and kept saying she wanted to sleep. I told the boy who was with her to go to his mum and get some ice for Grace’s head wound, and told Grace to stay awake.
It was the lack of remorse I felt that was curious to me, considering I had potentially put my own daughter in danger by injuring her.
So, this shot is poignant, not least because part of the dream prior to the incident was about meeting up with other Spanish photographers in order to discuss my Hipstamatic art. I had been wearing a long gypsy skirt, and as I walked across the Plaza to the address I’d been given, groups of teen boys, gypsies, would call out, “Oye putilla!”, and laugh amongst themselves. I thought it was to do with the skirt, and not the fact that I felt as though my lower half was naked.
The slight softening around the edges of the shot reflects the muffled feeling I have in my head right now, owing to the tension headache I woke up with, owing to the persistent pain in the neck I’ve had for at least a year now. It isn’t intended to be a euphemism, but I can’t help wonder given the tumultuous events within this time period.
Time now to take the banner down, and consider the next celebration, Christmas, and to consider what comes next. A lot of waiting I suppose, but eventually a big change.